by Skylar Sowers, Oklahoma Girls Group Home Resident
I came into Bethesda Girls Group home unaware where I positioned myself. I didn’t know what to expect or learn from this apprehensive place. I had my mind set that if I played pity for myself and manipulated my parents and caseworker I would for sure get out early, because I thought I was better than anyone else here at Bethesda and I didn’t deserve to be here. I always loved to think everything would go my way. Nothing bad would ever happen to me and I thought everything was perfect and that’s because I didn’t want to look at the fact I was so unhappy trying to be someone I wasn’t, trying to fit in following everyone else's actions so that way I could fit in and always have a place I thought I was a part of. On the outside I was a portrait of a rebellious teenager; on the inside I was just a destroyed teenager that needed more than help, I needed solutions. I was tired of keeping the real me veiled behind a wall of insecurity and fear.

I came to the brink of heading my life to destruction. I came to Bethesda thinking it was the worst thing that could ever happen to me. I came to Bethesda wanting to get out so bad I tried manipulating my parents and caseworker saying this was the worst place in the world. I kept saying they were disrespectful, hated me and treated me unfair from the rest of the girls. Really I was not wanting to do what I needed to do as far as my therapy work and what was needed to be done in the milieu—because I still thought I would definitely go home as soon as my court date came around which was only two months after I got to Bethesda. So I stayed resistant to what I needed to do and didn’t move anywhere in the program besides on a level known as Corrective (the lowest level). I even went to court on Corrective.

Well I came back from court and I didn’t get to go home. Surprise—not!! The rest of that week while I was on Corrective level, I was jut thinking maybe I should really start trying and get involved in the program and stop running away from my problems that needed solved. I had a fear of letting all people know how I felt and that’s something I wanted to run away from the most. That’s one of the main reasons I wanted to go home.

I wrote my confrontation letters to my mom and dad. Thinking I had to do it. Didn’t understand how it would help me or any good it would do. I was so nervous to read them to my parents...I did...my parents both accepted and I showed emotions with them I never knew I had. I truly forgave both of them. It was the best choice I have ever made. I came to realize that I had started making changes in my behaviors, and working my treatment. My parents even noticed and our relationship grew. It was just an awesome feeling. We communicated appropriately which was something we have never done before, we opened up to each others feelings and this program was really working. I started moving up the level system week after week. I enjoyed who I was becoming. I could say I was proud of myself and so were my parents. They came to be very supportive of me throughout the program, which made me feel really good.

My discharge to going home was getting closer and closer. I went on my 12 hour pass and I had an unexpected test. My little sister found something of my dads and had told me about it, I asked my mom about it and she blew it off like it didn’t bother her and she avoided the conversation I brought up. I came back from my pass upset. Trying to avoid the feeling I had from what my sister found in the car. One night a few days later after my pass I just started thinking about it and how much it hurt me, and I couldn’t avoid the feelings because I knew how to take care of it. I decided to start writing my dad a confrontation letter and start my process by grieving the pain that caused my hurt. That same night I called my mom telling her how she made me feel. Once I did, there was a long pause between me and her and she got upset and handed the phone to my grandma. I started to cry and thought what I did (by telling how I felt) wasn’t working. My grandma was there to support me, which made me feel a little better, but not much. I was so upset the rest of the night and the next day. But I wasn’t going to let what happened bring me down, because I worked so hard to get where I was.

The next day I called my mom. My mom was telling me she just had a bad day and she just felt like I was pointing the finger at her. We talked about it in an appropriate manner. She told me that I was an awesome kid and don’t make what happened the previous night keep me from telling her things and how I feel. I thought to myself I wasn’t going to let what happened the other night keep me from being healthy. I wasn’t going to be a coward!

I continued to do what I needed to do. In therapy I started getting assignments to do outlines for the Relationship Sequence© and do a presentation for therapy group. I was nervous because I wasn’t used to getting in front of people, but I did get through it and explained how I worked the process of the Relationship Sequence© and built healthy family relationships. Not to mention that it was the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. I also came up with an intimacy game for therapy group. It taught the rest of the residents about the dimensions of intimacy. It’s a good feeling to know some of my knowledge was passed down to others.

My experiences here went up and down. Some sad days, some happy days, some were mixed. I got through the program successfully currently on Honor Club the highest level. I’ve been on Honor Club for 11 weeks. I’m happy with myself from all the progress I have made. I also thank my therapist for pushing me in therapy to get the solutions that I needed solved and helping me realize the things that needed to be changed in my life from heading it farther down the road of destruction. I also realized this program that I thought wasn’t going to work and the worst thing that ever happened to me, to become the best thing that has ever happened to me!!